A little about me....

I want to tell you all a story. A true story. About me.

August 17,2011: I was sitting in a hospital room with IVs in my arms, in the worst pain i could imagine. What just happened? I know i just had surgery but the pain i felt was more than that. It went deeper than any pain has ever before. It was all brought on by one word. One tiny little word that is so evil, so awful just hearing it can kill the happiest of days. A word that sends chills down your spine. A word that every man should fear. Cancer. At the age of 19, I was hit with this word. This word ruined my life. Granted i am still alive but my life will never be as it was. At 19, you have everything to look forward to. College, getting the career you've always wanted, getting married and starting a family. But not for me. At 19 the only thing i could think about is if i was going to make it another day. On August 17, 2011 they removed my right ovary and more than half my left one. They ran all the tests and came out to be borderline ovarian cancer. Now According to my Dr. borderline ovarian cancer means you have cancer but it cant kill you. That is what i was told. So for the next few months i had to deal with doctor visits and checkups which were annoying to me, since i hated hospitals and doctors. 

December 2011, I had a CT scan which showed a mass on the very little ovary i had left. I decided to leave it alone and see if it would go away. As i sit and talk with my Doctor, she reveals to me that i have a very small chance of getting pregnant. A 2% chance. To me, in my head, 2% isn't enough. At 19 I was basically told that i cannot have children of my own. Now at first, I always thought i never wanted kids. They're loud, messy, expensive and you lose a lot of freedom when you have kids. But as soon as your told that you cant have kids, that's all you want. After I was told, it seemed like everyone i went to high school with said "lets all get pregnant together" and started having kids. My best friend had a child. Do you know how hard it is to be happy for all your friends but have their happiness crush you to the point of wanting to die? That's what seeing people have kids is doing to me. Every time i get on Facebook, it seems like another person is having a baby and it ends up ruining my mood and my day. Its not their fault by any means but its still too hard for me to deal with. Will i ever get over it? 

To be continued........